Six months ago, I launched Obsessed: A Newsletter. My goal with this newsletter was, and still is, to explore the various obsessions that take over my life in unexpected ways. My obsessions have taken me places I never thought possible: broke and hungry in Italy, dealing vintage peacock chairs like a ruthless Ferengi, sewing Pokémon costumes despite not knowing how. I learn from these obsessions. I face fears. I leave my comfort zone. I make mistakes in the form of overplucking my eyebrows or spending all my money on ridiculous footwear. I turn inwards and figure out what I want, who I am at that moment, where I want to go from there. There are many stories I haven’t had the chance to tell yet (like the time I ended up in Joan Rivers’ arms), and I can’t wait to share my past, present and future obsessions with you. Thank you for being here.

There’s one obsession that is nagging at me at the moment, and it’s my obsession with control. Specifically, control over things I have absolutely no control over. It’s too early to share (and it’s not writing related), but there’s this one thing that’s been brewing for the past several months and things aren’t turning out like I want them to. Things aren’t happening as fast as I want them to. Will this thing materialize? Or am I spending too much energy willing it into existence? I feel like my life is on pause while I wait for this thing to happen. I’m in limbo. It’s driving me mad. 

As I’m writing these words, I wonder… Is it true? Is my life really on pause? Am I in limbo, or am I under the illusion of limboness because I can’t release control over the unknown? Instead of clinging onto something that doesn’t exist yet like a ring-obsessed hobbit, perhaps I can focus on the present and what I can accomplish here, now, today. It’s not true that my life is on pause. Life is not on pause when you walk your child to school every day. Life is not on pause when you scrub the dirt off your walls. Life is not on pause when you floss your teeth. Life is not on pause when you are embraced by someone you love.

I’m tired this week, and I’m sure inhaling mini Coffee Crisps, Twixes and Crispy Crunches hasn’t helped. Dwelling in that parallel universe where things are frustrating and uncertain hasn’t helped. Refusing to move my body hasn’t helped. Being so caught up in the “what ifs” and ignoring my novel manuscript hasn’t helped.

This is the part where it’s time to “get a grip”, as my mother would say. Time to yell “serenity now” like Frank Constanza.

I am tired of overthinking. I am tired of being a control freak. Wait, what time is it? It’s time to pick up my child at school.

Have a good weekend xox